If You Can’t Change the People, Change the People

How Letting Go of Toxic Attitudes Can Unlock a Culture of Growth

In leadership and business, there are a few hard truths that separate good intentions from real results. One of them is this: "If you can’t change the people, change the people."At first glance, this phrase might seem harsh — even cold. But in truth, it’s a powerful principle that supports healthier teams, stronger culture, and long-term success.I’ve worked with and led teams for years. I’ve seen the amazing things people can accomplish when they feel respected, valued, and inspired. I’ve also seen how quickly one person’s toxic attitude can derail morale, break trust, and spread dysfunction across an entire department.The reality is this: culture is shaped by what we tolerate.

Culture Isn’t Just About What You Promote — It’s About What You Permit

Many leaders try to build a positive culture by focusing on benefits, celebrations, and team-building. Those things matter, and they absolutely help reinforce a healthy environment. But they’re not enough on their own. Culture is also built in the quiet moments — in the conversations we allow, the attitudes we overlook, and the behaviors we excuse.

• When someone consistently gossips, complains, or resists accountability, and nothing is done — what message does that send?
• When a high performer mistreats others but is protected because they “get results” — what precedent is being set?
• When leadership turns a blind eye to disrespect, negativity, or sabotage — what are we silently endorsing?

The answer is simple: We’re teaching everyone around us that toxicity is part of the culture. And that can be far more damaging than any underperformance metric.

Coaching Is a Responsibility — But It Has Limits

Every team member deserves feedback and a chance to grow. In fact, one of the hallmarks of strong leadership is the willingness to coach, support, and challenge employees to be their best. But here’s where many leaders get stuck: they keep investing time, energy, and emotional bandwidth into people who have no real interest in changing.

• They nod in agreement during feedback sessions, but nothing changes.
• They say the right things when confronted, but return to old behaviors as soon as the pressure lifts.
• They drain morale and monopolize attention, pulling focus away from those who are contributing positively.

When someone is open, coachable, and trying to improve, that’s a great investment. But when someone is committed to staying stuck, it may be time to ask yourself: Am I helping this person — or enabling them?

Making the Tough Call

There comes a point where leadership must decide: do we protect the culture, or protect the problem? Letting someone go — or transitioning them off a team — isn’t easy. Most leaders don’t take that responsibility lightly. But when it’s done for the right reasons, with integrity and compassion, it can be the most caring thing you do for the rest of your team. You’re not just removing a roadblock.

You’re reinforcing your values.

You’re showing your team that the environment you’re building is worth protecting. You’re saying:

“We don’t reward toxic behavior here — no matter how skilled you are.”
“We hold ourselves and each other to higher standards.”
“We believe in growth, and we support it — but we won’t carry those who refuse to walk.”

What Happens Next Will Surprise You

Time and time again, I’ve seen this play out: Once the toxic presence is removed, a wave of relief spreads across the team. People speak up more. They collaborate more freely. Energy returns. Trust rebuilds. Hidden leaders step forward. Your top performers begin to shine. And often, people come to you privately to say, “Thank you. We didn’t realize how much that one person was weighing us down.” That’s the power of protecting your culture.

Final Thoughts

Creating a thriving culture doesn’t mean everyone will always get along. It doesn’t mean avoiding conflict or expecting perfection. But it does mean being intentional about who you allow to influence the team — and having the courage to make changes when someone’s behavior consistently undermines your mission, values, or people. So if you're facing a tough decision about someone on your team, ask yourself:

• Have I given them clear feedback and a fair chance?
• Are they willing to change — or just good at avoiding accountability?
• What impact is their presence having on others?

And then remember: If you can’t change the people, change the people. Not out of frustration —

But out of love for the culture you’re building and the people who deserve to thrive in it.